MAURY THAT RING IS MINE!
by GrimsClockwork
Summary: Finally fed up with Gollum constantly saying the ring is his, the fellowship goes to the Maury Show to prove once and for all that the ring isn’t his. If you've never seen Maury before you may not find this as funny. Please R
1. Chapter 1: The ring is mine

Title: That ring is mine

Author GrimsClockwork

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, nor do I own the Maury Show, I also quoted A Clockwork Orange in here as is the tradition of my stories.

Rating: K+

Summary: The fellowship runs into Gollum on their way to Mt. Doom. Finally fed up with Gollum constantly saying the ring is his, the fellowship goes to the Maury Show to prove once and for all that the ring isn't his.

Authors note: I hope this story makes you all smile. And be sure to check out my other stories if you're in need of a smile.

**Chapter one: The ring is mine!!!**

The day the conflict began was a particularly gloomy day. The sun was behind a thick layer of gray clouds, causing the sky to be that annoying bright gray that can give one a giant headache. The air was a sickly damn and the cold temperature seemed to exaggerate the negative feeling this kind of weather can give off. The fellowship was certainly feeling the effects of this weather. The hobbits were not in their usual high spirits and were very silent. All of the members of the fellowship felt it was right to remain silent. Earlier that day Legolas had made a comment about the stick up Boromir's butt must have a stick up its butt. Boromir snapped and shouted himself hoarse at Legolas not to mention said rather mean things about anyone who tried to jump in. so as a result of Boromir's little hissy fit the fellowship now walked in silence. With Gandalf leading the way, the hobbits behind him, Boromir in the middle, Gimli and Legolas next and Aragorn brining up the rear. All of them standing an almost awkward distance away from Boromir.

Suddenly Legolas's head snapped to the left and looked toward a patch of bushes about 100 feet away from them.

"What is it lad?" Gimli asked him.

"I thought I heard something." Legolas said looking intently at the bushes.

"What's the hold up now?!" Boromir barked, "I'm getting really sick of these constant distractions."

"Legolas says he heard something," Aragorn said.

"But I didn't hear anything," Boromir said.

"You caught me boromir," Legolas said. "I'm just pretending to hear thing strictly to annoy you."

The others sniggered and Boromir glared at Legolas. Suddenly the bushes ruffled again, and this time the whole fellowship heard it. They all went over for a closer look; Aragorn went over to the bushes and looked inside them. As he opened up the bushes Gollum leapt out on top of him, and tried to jump at Frodo. But before he could tackle Frodo to the ground Gimli intercepted him and with Legolas's help pinned him to the ground.

"Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do we owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit? " Legolas said sarcastically.

"The ring is mine and I wants it back," Gollum snarled as he fought against Legolas and Gimli.

"Now really Gollum this is getting out of hand," Gandalf said. "There's got to be a way to prove that the ring isn't yours."

"IT'S MY PRECIOUS!" Gollum yelled.

"If we could prove that the ring wasn't yours would you back off?" Gandalf said calmly.

"Yes I suppose," Gollum said, "for a while anyway" he thought.

"But how can we prove that the ring isn't his?" Sam asked.

"I know," Legolas piped in, "we could go to the Maury show."

"Good idea lad, does that sound good to you Gollum?" Gimli asked.

"Yes Gollum likes."


	2. Chapter 2: The results are in

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything in this story.

**Chapter 2: The results are in!!**

The audience cheered loudly and Maury began to calm them down. Sam and Frodo sat on the stage and the rest of the fellowship waited backstage listening to the commotion taking place.

"I have seen a lot of things on this show, but never have I seen anything like this." Maury said. "With me now on stage are Sam and Frodo. Now gentlemen let me get this straight, you are on a quest to destroy the one ring am I right so far."

"Yes Maury you are," Frodo said. "Maury all I want to do is take this evil ring to Mordor to get it destroyed, BUT HE KEEPS GETTING IN THE WAY!" Frodo began to cry as he yelled the last words.

"OOOOOOOOOO" the crowd said.

"Who is _he_ exactly," Maury said.

"He is a filthy little fiend who thinks that the ring is his, and he has been stocking me non stop trying to get it back." The crowd gasped at that last statement.

"Now why would he think the ring is his," Maury asked.

"He thinks that just because he found it it's his," Sam piped in as Frodo was sobbing and couldn't answer.

"Let's see what Gollum as to say about this!" Maury said gesturing to the screen behind them.

Gollum appeared on the screen, "Maury that ring is mine, I found it and its mine. I've had it for much longer then that little prick of a hobbit has had it. I know its mine. I lost it and his uncle stole it from me, he had no right to take it. He thinks that just because he has it now he has the right to destroy it, well I'm gonna prove once and for all Maury that the ring is mine, and that hobbit and his little friends are gonna leave me alone."

"Alright lets bring out Gollum." Maury said.

As Gollum came out from backstage the whole audience was in an uproar booing loudly and yelling profanities at Gollum.

"Oh shut up, you all don't know me, whateva whateva bitch," Gollum yelled at the crowd as he took his seat.

"So Gollum you're sure that this ring is yours,"

"Maury I am one-hundred and sixty-seven eight percent sure that the ring is mine." Gollum yelled, "just look at it it's obviously mine."

"Looks nothing like you," Sam yelled.

"Whatever whatever," Gollum said as the audience booed him.

"Ok the results are in," Maury said. The audience cheered as Maury opened up the envelope.

"When it comes to the one ring, Gollum it IS NOT YOURS!"

As the last three words where spoken sheer pandemonium brook out. The audience cheered, Gollum jumped up and ran backstage, with Sam chasing after him yelling "What what what I told you."

"So Frodo how do you feel now," Maury asked Frodo.

"Well Maury," Frodo said regaining his composer, "I'm just so happy that we can finally take put this behind us and move on."

So with that the fellowship left the Maury Show and continued their quest to Mordor. Even though it had been proven that the Ring wasn't Gollum's they knew that this wasn't the last they'd see of him.

_The End. _


End file.
